Ah, A Better Mouse Trap
by Stargoat
Summary: Skuld constructs a better mouse trap. Things do not work out very well.


Ah, a Better Mousetrap

"A field trip? What's so great about a big field? Do you get to play tag or football or something?" said Skuld as she pulled apart the piece of grass in her hand.

"No. A field trip is a where you go to a museum or zoo or something. We went to the Nekomi Agricultural Museum," replied Sentaro. The two young people were sitting on a hill watching the river below.

"How was it?"

A cloud passed over head. "It was neat. Did you know that rats and mice eat up to ten percent of world food production every year? If they were able to get rid of the rats, then we would be able to feed whole world."

"Really? The whole world?"

"Yup," said Sentaro. "Everyone in Africa and everywhere else would never go hungry again."

"Fufufufu. So if I get rid of all the rats, everyone will think I'm the best. That would put Urd in her place!" Skuld imagined Urd crying, while the multitudes praised Skuld's magnificent inventions.

"You're so weird sometimes," said Sentaro.

* * *

Back at Tarikihongan Temple, Skuld was watching Welsper the cat lounge on top of the television. She frowned disapprovingly and sniffed.

Without opening an eye, Welsper said, "What?"

"Why aren't you catching rats?" Skuld asked. "You're a cat, right?"

Welsper ignored the comment. It was beneath his dignity (he thought of himself as he, no matter what the Daimakaichō might do to his body) to respond.

The little goddess said, "Go chase some rats. I want to see. It's for science."

Welsper was not long suffering, but the television was warm. He continued to ignore Skuld. She would probably go away.

Skuld poked Welsper.

Welsper's familiar Wasp of the Blue Lance leapt out of his body. Skuld found herself pinned in darkness. Welsper hopped off the television and out of the room. When Skuld was let up, she was alone.

"Idiot!" she called out. "Even demons are supposed to help people. And science. Hrmmph"

* * *

"Keiichi. What did you do about rats on your farm back in Hokkaido?"

"Uh, Skuld, I didn't live on a farm." Keiichi was focused on his homework, but looked up as the little goddess stood at his door.

"But you said you did not live in Sapporo. Everyone else on Hokkaido lives on a farm, right?"

"No," said Keiichi, trying to keep the annoyance from his voice. Most folks from Hokkaido hated that Honshu attitude; Keiichi was no exception. "I lived in a small town. My Dad is a glass blower, not a farmer. Skuld, you met him."

"Well, what good are you?" She turned around and walked out in a huff.

"Weird," said Keiichi and he went back to his homework.

* * *

A mini-sized Skuld was dressed in khaki field shirt, khaki trousers and a pith helmet. For some inexplicable reason, she had adopted an Australian accent as she said, "Right. So this is where we tracked the elusive Rattus norvegicus." A mini Banpei holding a camera was behind her. "Crickey, this is its rat hole."

Skuld knocked on Ganchan's door. Ganchan the Rat opened the door. "Good morning, Skuld-san," said the tubby rat.

"G'day, rat-chan," said the little goddess. "We're filming a wild life documentary. Yer our star!"

"A star!" yelled Ganchan. "That's amazing." Visions of beautiful rat women poolside in Hollywood with eyes only for him filled Ganchan's head.

"That's right. I just want to follow you around, filming yer movements. Pretend like we're not even here."

"OK!" said Ganchan.

He slammed the door shut. A moment later, he reopened the door. He was wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. His hair had a dollop of grease in it, causing it to end in a fancy Elvislike style.

"So, ah, what do you want me to do?"

"Ganchan, do you normally dress like that?" Skuld's Australian accent had slipped away.

"In Hollywood, I'll have to," said the tubby rat.

"You're not in Hollywood. I just want to film you as you normally are. Like the everyrat. You need to help us understand what it's like to be a rat."

"Oh. Okay," said a clearly disappointed Ganchan. "I'll be right back." Ganchan's door slammed shut. He was back out a moment later, wearing a shabby green baseball hat and equally shabby blue jacket. "Well, let's go."

Ganchan made his way into the kitchen. "This is the kitchen," he said, stepping onto the hard flint floor. "Two years ago, it held a great deal of food. But since the beginning of the phenomenon called white rice flight, there is far less to eat here. This cabinet," he pointed to an open and empty cabinet, "once held several white rice bags. But today, economic policies at the temple dictate the rising use of ramen noodles."

The fat rat pointed up to the cabinets on the wall. "Those cabinets now hold all the food. The food is out of our reach. As a result, rats whom formally worked hard for their meals are now highly dependent on handouts." In a corner of the kitchen, a mini Belldandy was serving soup to a line of rats.

"Ahh! Belldandy!" Ganchan ran to the front of the line. "Can I have some noodle soup today!"

"Of course, Ganchan!" said Belldandy. She gave him a big bowl of noodles.

"Thank you, Belldandy!" Ganchan began noisily eating his noodles.

Skuld looked a little doubtful. "Ganchan, is this how all rats eat?"

"Oh no. The temple rats are far more enlightened than all other rats," said Ganchan happily between slurps of his noodles.

Skuld wandered away, muttering about reproducible results.

* * *

Keiichi looked doubtful. From her room, Skuld was laughing manically. He knocked on the door. "Skuld, dinner is ready."

"Indeed it is!" the little goddess yelled. "I know exactly how to feed all the rats."

Skuld kicked open her door. Mr. Rat Catcher 8000 was behind the door. "Uh, what's that, Skuld?"

"It's Mr. Rat Catcher 8000. It's going to catch all the rats all over the world and bring them here."

"Why?" asked Keiichi, looking alarmed.

Skuld ignored the question and flipped the switch. A giant sucking sound filled the room. Then, it filled Nekomi. Then, the world.

"Whoops."

* * *

"Skuld," said Belldandy sternly, "what have we said about blackholes?"

"Sorry," said the little goddess. The three goddesses were standing in an infinite void. Urd and Belldandy looked stern. Skuld had a hangdog expression.

"We aren't mad at you," said Urd, "but we are mad at the things you've done."

"Sorry," said the little goddesses again. "I didn't mean to destroy the world."

"That's the third time this month," said Belldandy.

"Fourth," corrected Urd.

"Oh yeah, the gyroscope incident," said Belldandy. "Fourth time this month you've destroyed the world. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Oh come on, that was a gyroscope," said the squeaky goddess. "That doesn't count. It could have happened to anyone."

"Skuld."

Skuld kicked the ground abashedly. "I only wanted to get all the rats."

"Why did you want to get all the rats?" asked Urd.

"So that the humans could feed everyone," replied Skuld.

"Skuld, you have to be punished." said Belldandy. "I want you to write one billion times 'I will run physics projections before collecting all the rats.'"

"A billion. Awww. That's a lot."

"Well maybe this time you'll learn your lesson. Peorth," called Belldandy, "can you please begin the backup tape restoration?"

"Sure thing," said a disembodied voice. "Chin up, Skuld," continued the voice. "We've all blown up the Earth a few times."

"Earth?" said Urd. "She got most of the Milkyway."

"Darnit. I hate breaking out multiple backup tapes," said Peorth's voice.

"Sorry," said Skuld.

* * *

The young goddess was back on the grassy riverside together with her young beau. They were gazing into the sky.

"I'm going on another field trip," said Sentaro.

"Really?" asked Skuld. "Where are you going?"

"The Nekomi planetarium. We're going to learn about dark matter."

Skuld's eyes lit up.


End file.
